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A Word at the Start…
In 2008, I published The Courage to Feel: A practical guide to the power and freedom of emotional honesty. I have come to learn that it has helped a great many people. It has even changed lives. I also realized that The Courage to Feel didn’t speak to the younger people, particularly teenagers, who came into my office.
Youth is a tumultuous time of life, and it is made more so when the adults that surround them don’t model emotional competency. Without mature emotional models, young people are left abandoned with their anger, their confusion, and their fears as they enter the journey of self-discovery. This realization planted the seeds that eventually gave birth to –
How Simon Left His Shell: The courage to feel for young people.
In my first book, the chapters are interspersed with a fable about a turtle named Simon.. I used the fable in order to make the teaching in The Courage to Feel more vivid and interesting. (Self-help books, I must admit, can be boring beyond belief).
The fable turned about Simon’s desire—and journey of self-discovery--to free the artist within him by leaving his shell. His hope was that then he could be free to paint scenes of his home in a southern marsh. Still, I felt that I was not reaching young people as directly as I wanted.
Consequently, I have expanded Simon’s story to How Simon Left His Shell and added a “User’s Guide for Parents, Teachers and Therapists.” This experiential and interactive guide, with its questions and practice scenarios, uses the fable to teach young people to value and listen to their emotional guidance system and how to be emotionally competent in stormy times.
It is my hope that emotional competence and courage will prepare these future adults as they journey through relationships, marriages and families of their own into a world thirsty for healing waters that spring from the opened heart.
Andrew Seubert - 2014
- A Practical Guide to the Power and Freedom of Emotional Honesty
by Andrew Seubert
"Emotions are complex things: they can make life hell or make it sweet. So, here's a question: Do you have emotions or do emotions have you? Andrew Seubert's The Courage to Feel can help you to have emotions and make your life rich and workable. It's short, easy to understand and very powerful."
- Bill O'Hanlon, author of Change 101
TABLE OF CONTENTS"…the book is a "tour de force." I don't know of anything in the literature that is such a comprehensive and clear guide to an understanding of the central role of emotions and ‘the courage to feel’ in living a healthy, ‘whole-some’, and sacred life, enabling one to experience "the rapture of being alive." Congratulations! You have done many a great service."
- Clifford Smith, Ph.D.
Part I - Why Bother
Chapter 1 - We Have Feelings, Because...?
Chapter 2 - What They Are and How They Work
Part II - The Four Steps to Emotional Honesty
Chapter 3 - Step One: Awareness of Feeling
Chapter 4 - Step Two: Being with the Feeling
Chapter 5 - Step Three: Reading the Message of the Feeling
Chapter 6 - Step Four: Deciding to Act, Express or Not
Part III - Refining Emotional Honesty
Chapter 7 - Avoiding, Burying and Other Survival Strategies
Chapter 8 - Layering
Chapter 9 - Riding the Waves, Surviving the Desert
Chapter 10 - Empty Bowl, Full Bowl
Chapter 11 - What Color is Your Lens?
Part IV - Living the Life of Emotional Honesty
Chapter 12 - The A.R.T. of Emotional Honesty
Chapter 13 - I Like Who I Am With You: Feelings in Relationships
Chapter 14 - Sweet Sorrow: the Pain of Touch
Chapter 15 - Emotions at Work: Repeating Family Patterns on the Job
Chapter 16 - Guilt, Shame, Pride and Self-Esteem
Chapter 17 - Emotional Navigation Through Change and Addiction
Chapter 18 - Born to Want: Empowerment and Emotional Honesty
Chapter 19 - The Making of an Enemy: Emotions and Global Peace
Chapter 20 - Sentinels: a Fantasy of Transgenerational Release
Chapter 21 - Spiritual Bypass: Emotional Honesty and Spiritual Authenticity
Chapter 22 - Conclusion: Simon says Type your paragraph here.
The Courage to Feel
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Hello Andrew, you don't know me but 5 years ago you saved my life.
I am 46 years old this year and for almost 41 of those years I was a spectator, watching the years tumble helplessly by, surviving the weekly, daily, hourly onslaught of dread, fear and grief, every nerve in my body pulled taught and ready to snap. From an early age I knew I was different, earning myself the labels of Weird and Freak. I couldn't and wouldn't bond with anyone and so people reacted to me badly, even my own family. Being invisible became my forte and showing no emotion was my expertise. Trying to be "normal" and fit in was exhausting. Failed relationships dominated by violent partners and 41 years of counting the days until I would die until one day I accepted it was my only way out. By this time my anxiety and sensory overload was so bad I had almost lost all ability to speak and couldn't even remember how to walk upstairs. How I survived those dark days, i will never know. My Doctor referred me for trauma counselling with Shelley Simpson who told me I was suffering multiple-trauma PTSD as well as Dissociative Disorder, OCD, black and white thinking etc etc and so it was decided i needed intensive trauma therapy. Everything in her office had to be moved away from me because my extreme aggitation cause me to stim excessively and the furniture vibrate!
We made slow but steady progress until one week Shelley set me some homework, it was to read a chapter of a book, The Courage to Feel. By the time I saw Shelley for my next appointment, I had read the whole book and cried 3 times my body weight in tears. She couldn't believe I was the same person, especially when she saw me smile. The insight you gave me in the words that you had written was immeasurable. A few sessions afterwards Shelley discharged me without ever having to do any trauma work and life is good!
Unloading all those years of layered emotions that I had held on to like a dirty secret left me able to see myself and my differences. It also allowed me to recognise that my youngest daughter is very much like me and, without recognition of her difficulties, could suffer the same emotional retention that I did.
2 years ago I had assessments for and received a diagnosis of AS 1 (formerly Aspergers)
I live my life guided by the courage to say how I feel in a positive way and recognise my emotions, even the negative ones.
Your book continues to be my bible as I try to teach my youngest daughter and eldest grandson how to express and release their emotions while they endure sensory overload which comes with their inherited autistic traits.
So, thankyou for giving me a life I never thought i would have and giving me "the courage to feel." Heidi
Andrew authored Chapter 14 -EMDR with Clients with Mental Disability -in this book- EMDR Solutions...Pathways to Healing.
You can purchase this book from Amazon.com
Andrew authored Chapter 6 -The Why of Eating Disorders
and co-authored Chapter 13 - The Case of Mistaken Identity with Judy Lightstone, and collected the contributors to the other chapters in the TREATING EATING DISORDERS Section in this book-
EMDR Solutions II...For Depression, Eating Disorders,
Performance, and More.
You can purchase this book from Amazon.com
Just Published -
Cultural Competence and Healing Culturally Based Trauma with EMDR Therapy - Edited by Mark Nickerson.
and Joseph Yaskin and Andrew Seubert have co-authored a chapter -
Left Out and Left Behind: EMDR and the Cultural Construction of Intellectual Disability.
View the details on the Publisher's website at www.Springerpub.com
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